(image courtesy of 45cat.com)
Guest contributors: Zagar and Evans (not really, but some of you will get the reference)
(This entry has been translated from binary code to English)
A historic find of some significance was uncovered recently. In what was once referred to as the United States of America, a strange book was found beneath tons of plastic bags and other trash. This book, ironically persevered in plastic, had the words Holy Bible emblazoned on the front cover. The find was in remarkably good condition given its age. The non-human excavators surmise that it hadn’t been opened even before finding its way to the bottom of the trash heap.
Professors of ancient language and history have busied themselves studying the relic. Language experts have determined it is written in a forgotten language called English. Though the study of the original language is important, what has the Rabbit Ruling Class most concerned is what is recorded in the last third of the book.
The historians have pieced together a most remarkable tale of a deity taking human form to live among them. Further study has revealed that this was supposed to be part of a major plan to bring salvation to humankind as the person/god was to die for something called ‘forgiveness of sins.’ This unbelievable plan was celebrated yearly in an event called Easter, from which many now think comes the origin of the Sect of the Blessed Bunny. In any event, this so-called Easter season traditionally started on what was called Ash Wednesday.
In the considered opinion of Zagar and Evans, these long-forgotten words will hold no meaning to our advanced culture, for apparently they had little impact on those it was originally intended for.
We give great thanks to the Ruling Rabbit in the Great Hutch in the Sky that these confusing ideas died with that long-ago culture. One can only imagine the chaos that would ensue if this crazy story gained a foothold today. If it did, untold millions might have to forego their quota of chocolate (shaped like the Ruling Rabbit, of course). We shudder to think what would happen to the millions whose livelihood depends on chocolate production should our spring-time celebration of the Holy Hare be interrupted.
Fear not, you who happily hop along the bunny trail, our greatest minds agree that this notion of a God dying to save others will remain buried in the trash heap. It is truly too crazy to believe. And even if it were true, chocolate is so much sweeter.
Zagar and Evans
A little satire to start your Lenten journey, Faithful Reader. May it help you to consider the true wonder of this Easter season which begins today: There is a God who loves you so very much that He did indeed provide the way to salvation. Now that’s sweet!